Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Report on Benefits

After repeated torture from many of our readers, we gave in, and tried to cook up some story to publish in todays edition of The Galactic Herald, after a long break of 42.˜∞§€fifi€‹›™ uiads.

note: besides being a modern measure time and stupidity, uiads is also the last name of 'a certain someone' who invented time, he is also widely recognized as being the most stupidest person ever. (According to a new andromedian law, now its illegal to use double superlatives or higher, unless you are referring to 'a certain someone'). BTW, He also won critical acclaim from masses across the galaxy for his suicide. It wasn't exactly a suicide, but...well... here is what happened- while going up the escalator during his paid vacation to a distant sector of the galaxy, the power grid of that planet failed. It takes them a year to get it repaired and meanwhile, Mr uiads, who is still standing on that escalator , dies of starvation.

To untarnish our image, and to prove that we are more than just a bunch of slackers, we worked extra hard and came up with an article which is almost, but not quite, entirely unlike brilliant.
and here it goes:

Its a well known fact that being the president has many benefits, but no one really knows for certain "what are these benefits?".
So today we present our latest findings on this topic.
The best we could come up with is:
"Benefits, will be - and many." as seen in the guide.

The benefits are supposedly top secret and no one really knows.
Many brave souls, both wise and otherwise, tried in vain to know the exact listing of the benefits. Most of them died trying(all of them of senility).

But, according to the information which we received from our very credible sources(who didn't want to be named (since that would increase their sentence for fraud) ), any imaginable(or unimaginable) benefit can and will be a presidential benefit.

However, at the end of the day, there is really just one way to know the absolute truth behind the benefits, which is - "By becoming the President" 

Reporting for TGH,